Archive for the ‘Internet’ Category

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In Honor of the Dearly Departed

July 8, 2008

Sen. Jesse Helmsfuneral is today.

To honor this great man’s passing, I offer you a touching serenade to his steadfast and tireless devotion to bigotry and oppression.

(grainy Jesse Helms sample)
“Unless and until the American people demand the restoration of both moral and spiritual priorities, I simply do not believe that we’re going to solve any other problems as well.”

Big fat fuck from North Carolina state,
he’s a worthless piece of shit, he’s a paragon of hate,
he’s a redneck, fuck-face, brain-dead waste of space,
two-bit, two-timing, motherfucking pool of slime.
Against gay rights, and funding for the arts,
tried to cancel PBS and tear Big Bird apart.
Cut AIDS funding, corporate welfare for the rich,
he’s a shameless money grubber, he’s a two dollar bitch.

Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?

Fundamentalist, fuckwad, dickless prick,
he’s ugly as a morlock, dumb as a brick.
He’s a sack of shit, hypocrite, single-minded, fat bigot,
punk bitch, ignorant, ass-munch sycophant.
Life long friend of the deadly cancer sticks,
thinks AIDS is the fault of the people it afflicts.
Racist fuck who supports segregation,
foe of the people friend of the corporation.

Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?

Uh!
Damn.
Get up, get up!

Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Hurry up and die!

Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?

Yo Jesse, you dumb-ass, racist, cracker motherfucker!
Why the fuck won’t you just hurry up and die?
And take that punk-bitch Strom Thurmond with you!

“Why Won’t Jesse Helms Just Hurry Up and Die?” by MC Hawking

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Seen Around the Internet.

February 27, 2008

[21:32] GuttrMky: You know what would be awesome for Back to the Future 4?
[21:32] tgreatyoda: Not doing it?
[21:33] GuttrMky: They go into the future again, but find it to be an irradiated wasteland. They return to 1986 to spend their last days in their happiest time as the radiation posioning slowly eats away at their bone marrow.
[21:33] tgreatyoda: Lovely.
[21:33] GuttrMky: I know.
[21:34] GuttrMky: It’ll be the feel good movie of the year.
[21:34] tgreatyoda: Then you can do the reimagined Carebears.
[21:34] GuttrMky: Carebears: Raibes in Gumdrop Land.

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Spoiler Alert!

February 27, 2008

Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early

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Dun-dun-fucking-DUUUUUNNNN!

February 17, 2008

So I guess this means that the newspost for this was just a dirty fucking lie? How dare you, Jeph? I trusted you.

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Seen Around the Internet

December 29, 2007

the speed of light = 1.98287925 × 1014 fathoms per fortnight

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Oh Wonderful!

December 1, 2007

So IBM, lovable rouges that they are, just developed a new technology that will allow film companies to include un-skippable ads on their DVDs.

It’s like they’re trying to give us reasons to bootleg.

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Translations

October 23, 2007

The Book of Questions

Pablo Neruda

 

Por qué los inmensos aviones

no se pasean sus hijos?

Cuál es el pájaro Amarillo

que llena el nido de limones?

 

Por qué no ensenan a sacar

miel del sol a los helicópteros?

 

Dónde dejó la luna llena

su saco nocturno de harina?

 

***

Why don’t the immense airplanes

fly around with their children?

 

Which yellow bird

fills its nest with lemons?

 

Why don’t they train helicopters

to suck honey from the sunlight?

 

Where did the full moon leave

its sack of four tonight?

 

***

y dont bg planes

fly w/ noobs?

 

which mob

drops lemons?

 

y dont helis

lvl up hunnysuck?

 

where’d he drop

the flag?