Archive for July, 2008

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Exciting Careers in Private Security

July 13, 2008

2300 Arrive on site, meet w/ Officer Richmond. Campers still watching film
0020 Campers board sub. Lights out at 0025.
0030 1st patrol with OMSI staff member, who helps me orient myself.
0050 Report of alarm at main OMSI campus. Gave keys to bike officer that responded.
0100 2nd patrol of ship. All clear.
0130 3rd patrol. Met supervisor at duty post, received keys again. All clear.
0200 4th patrol. Banged my head on aft pressure hatch. All clear.
0230 5th patrol of ship. All clear.
0300 6th patrol of ship. All clear. Supervisor called to see if he had left some papers here; he had not.
0330 7th patrol of ship. All clear.
0400 8th patrol of ship. All clear. Headache beginning to set in.
0450 9th patrol of ship. All clear.
0500 10th patrol of ship. All clear.
0530 11th patrol of ship. All clear.
0600 12th patrol of ship. All clear.
0630 13th patrol of ship. All clear
0700 Campers awake, DAR written, am preparing to leave.

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In Honor of the Dearly Departed

July 8, 2008

Sen. Jesse Helmsfuneral is today.

To honor this great man’s passing, I offer you a touching serenade to his steadfast and tireless devotion to bigotry and oppression.

(grainy Jesse Helms sample)
“Unless and until the American people demand the restoration of both moral and spiritual priorities, I simply do not believe that we’re going to solve any other problems as well.”

Big fat fuck from North Carolina state,
he’s a worthless piece of shit, he’s a paragon of hate,
he’s a redneck, fuck-face, brain-dead waste of space,
two-bit, two-timing, motherfucking pool of slime.
Against gay rights, and funding for the arts,
tried to cancel PBS and tear Big Bird apart.
Cut AIDS funding, corporate welfare for the rich,
he’s a shameless money grubber, he’s a two dollar bitch.

Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?

Fundamentalist, fuckwad, dickless prick,
he’s ugly as a morlock, dumb as a brick.
He’s a sack of shit, hypocrite, single-minded, fat bigot,
punk bitch, ignorant, ass-munch sycophant.
Life long friend of the deadly cancer sticks,
thinks AIDS is the fault of the people it afflicts.
Racist fuck who supports segregation,
foe of the people friend of the corporation.

Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?

Uh!
Damn.
Get up, get up!

Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Hurry up and die!

Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?
Why won’t Jesse Helms just hurry up and die?

Yo Jesse, you dumb-ass, racist, cracker motherfucker!
Why the fuck won’t you just hurry up and die?
And take that punk-bitch Strom Thurmond with you!

“Why Won’t Jesse Helms Just Hurry Up and Die?” by MC Hawking

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Job Huntin’ Sucks

July 7, 2008

The job hunt has not been going well. A few days ago, I got turned down by a fucking temp agency. I’ve applied to 3 others, but I haven’t heard back from any of them. So you can imagine that when I got an interview with an environmental advocacy nonprofit agency called Environment Oregon, I was excited. I’d only gotten one interview prior to this, for a part time position at Barnes & Noble, and they turned me down. I went in to Environment Oregon’s Portland office today and I nailed the interview. They said it would take them 3 days to a week to get back to me about if they wanted to hire me. It only took 5 hours. The office director said it was the fastest turn around from the home office he’d ever seen. They offered me the job. Sweet.

But it’s 80 hours a week. I wouldn’t even have time to do laundry during the week. I’d probably be giving up all my Saturdays. I’d certainly be working 16 hour days very frequently. I have until Friday to make my decision.

The first thing I did when I got home from the interview, before I knew they were going to offer me the job, was to go on Craigslist and look for more jobs. I found one that looks interesting, sent a quiery with my resume attached, and they asked me to come in and speak to them and fill out an application tomorrow. I think if they offer me a job, I’ll take it.

I believe in environmental causes, I really do. And if Environment Oregon wanted me to work a 40 hour week, I’d jump at the chance. But 80? That’s not a job, that’s a religious commitment.
I hate job hunting.

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Awww yeah, bitches!

July 4, 2008

Hail to the king!