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Okay, Listen Up People

November 16, 2007

You know what? No more zombies. None. They’re played out. They’re overexposed. They’re starting to smell a bit ripe.

Living Dead, it’s been fun, we had a few laughs, it was a nice little Renaissance of dead things, but the party is over, and you guys need to leave. “Zombie” currently nets 35.6 million hits on Google. Benjamin Franklin gets 4.5. I’ll ask you to read that again: Benjamin fucking Franklin, the man who practically pulled the United States out of his ass, gets less than 13% as many Google hits as zombies.

Entire webrings are dedicated to zombie survival, most of which simply repeat everything all the other zombie survival sites are saying. A man named Max Brooks was smart enough to jot most of this down and have it published, which earned him a lot of undying goreboy (a fanboy of gore) devotion and the delusion that he was a good writer. He quickly followed up by inflicting a book called World War Z on us, and I haven’t been able to look at the Borders sci-fi/fantasy section without feeling a little whisper of profound and eternal disappointment since.

There is so much zombie fiction out there these days that it has started to be viewed as its own genre. But that can’t possibly be right, because calling a collection of works taken together a genre implies that there is both variation and commonality within the group. But there is nothing new coming out of Zombietown these days.

So stop. Stop the fucking zombie train, I want to get off.

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