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I Am The Buddha of Disinterest

November 13, 2007

I have reached such a plateau of indifference towards my schooling that I have become almost transcendent in my apathy. I walk out of lectures when they’re only half-way finished. What do I care? It’ll all be on the hand-outs, or in the books. I barely studied for my astronomy midterm, and I got an A. I didn’t study at all for my Global Lit midterm, and I got a C.

I write papers the day before they are finished, and that feels like I’m striving to be an overachiever.

Even putting in the minimum effort for my classes seems like a waste of energy. The only exception is, as usual, my writing class, which continues to be a grubby beacon of occasional joy and sporadic fulfillment, far and away the most enjoyable class I have this quarter. When the stories I’m critiquing are good, the class is great. When my work is up for critique, the class is even better. When the stories I’m critiquing are bad, then the class is painful. But still, it’s at least significant to me.

So 2/3rds of my classes are a waste. I want good grades, but my desire not to do any of this pointless busywork is just as strong. They balance into a beautiful equilibrium of ennui.

I am the Buddha of disinterest.

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2 comments

  1. I’m becoming slightly concerned. I’ve been through this type of academic apathy a few times, and it can kill you. At least very soon all of this will be over once and for all for you. Soon enough you will be half a world away where people care just as much (or just as little) about these useless classes as you do. The important thing is that you stick it out now so you can survive long enough to give school the middle finger as you walk out the door with your diploma.


  2. Don’t be worried. I’ve found a sort of perverted inner peace where I accept the futility of my position and simply wait for it to end. I’m fine. I’ll be better in half a year, but for now I’m okay.



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