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The Truth About 9/11

September 17, 2007

The real twisted genius of the 9/11 conspiracy theory is that at first blush, it makes a crude sort of sense. We’re supposed to be the strongest nation on Earth, so how could we be so grievously wounded by 19 men with box cutters? How could they have gotten past our invincible Federal Government? Answer: they couldn’t have. Therefore, it must be an inside job. This is sort of the logic equivalent of a hastily constructed false-front set for a movie, where buildings are represented by painted sheets of particle board nailed to a frame of 2×4’s. Sure it looks fine from a distance, but if you walk over and give it one good kick, the whole damn thing is likely to fall over and crush somebody.


The first big logic problem with the 9/11 conspiracy theory is the claim that not only did the senior levels of the Bush administration think that it was morally acceptable to murder 3000 of their own people, they also thought it was a pretty good idea. Keep in mind that Nixon couldn’t break into his opponent’s hotel room without the incident destroying his presidency, and Clinton couldn’t get a blowjob without his political enemies literally making a federal case out of the deal. Of course, with the British government’s success at keeping the Enigma secret, it can be argued that governments occasionally manage to keep big secrets for a long time. But it is never a guarantee. And considering how many members of the military and intelligence communities- two organizations that tend to be pro-America to a fault- would have to go along with the plot, it seems less and less likely that somebody wouldn’t eventually talk. And if the story got out it would destroy the Republican party. I don’t mean that they would lose a few election cycles; I mean they would be utterly destroyed. The Communists would have more credibility with the American people than the GOP would if the 9/11 secret was leaked by somebody who could prove they were a part of it.

The second big logic problem with the 9/11 conspiracy theory is the idea that, having decided to do so, the government could carry out such a complex operation in total secrecy. Keep in mind, this is an organization that we now know doesn’t even know how to clean up after a big storm. Incompetence and mismanagement are the hallmarks of this administration, and depending on which alternative 9/11 theory you subscribe to, the Bushites would have needed to successfully execute a plan that had a level of complexity somewhere between rigging the World Series by paying off everyone who works at the stadium, right down to the hot dog vendors, and sending another man to the Moon.

Third, you have to completely ignore any mention of the specifics of the conspirators’ motive. Why would we want to go to war with Afghanistan? We already had a contract to build an oil pipeline through their country, and honestly they have nothing else of value. So was 9/11 meant to justify war with Iraq? If so, why not make all the false evidence point directly at Saddam instead mucking about Osama in the first place?

Forth, you have to either completely misunderstand the nature of controlled demolitions or believe that the conspirators figured out a brand new way to do things just for this occasion, or both. Controlled demolitions start from the bottom of a buliding, not near the top. The videos of the collapse clearly show the buildings begin their collapse at the same level that the airplanes hit them. Come to think of it, wouldn’t an airliner ripping through a building destroy all the fuses on any demolition charges placed on that floor? Why yes, yes it would. Also, it would be damn near impossible to get those charges in place without anybody noticing. If you’ve seen any pictures of buildings being prepped for explosive demolition, you know that they are more or less gutted before the charges are placed. Oh, and that claim that seismograph readings prove that the buildings fell at freefall speed? Total bullshit. You have to be pretty far out in la-la land to look at a video of the collapse and conclude that the buildings are falling “faster than gravity itself.” I guess Newton was in on the job, too.

And don’t even get me started on the variants of the theory which involve a secret plane switch in Cincinnati (or was it Cleavland?).

In summation, anybody who advances the 9/11 conspiracy theory is either hasn’t put much thought into this, or is an idiot, or both.

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