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New Robotech Movie Announced- Irony Fans Applaud its Press Release

September 7, 2007

Warner Bros. has acquired the rights to make a live-action Robotech movie, and Tobey Maguire is said to be attached through both his production company and his desire to star in the film. Mr. Maguire has apparently been spending too much time around the marketing guys, because he said the following out loud, in public:

“We are very excited to bring Robotech to the big screen. There is a rich mythology that will be a great foundation for a sophisticated, smart and entertaining film.”

Ah yes, Robotech, that jewel of the East, that Japanese masterpiece. What a great pallete of depth and complexity from which to draw a film of sophisticated and intellectual beauty. What could possibly be wrong with that notion?

Now maybe I’m just bitter and skeptical because I got burned so bad by the Transformers movie, but I’m really not very excited about the notion of another live action film to come along and prey upon innocent Giant Fucking Robot fans. Now I like Mr. Maguire’s work, and he seems to make good choices in his selection of roles. Certainly he has proven his ability to act out a script with the most fantastic, implausible elements imaginable, and still treat the material with dignity and respect, a trick many actors never figure out. But does he even know one damn thing about Robotech? Robotech is not in any way a deep, cohesive or “rich” story. Rather, it is perhaps the most infamous Macekre of all time.  It is a Frankenstein’s monster sewn together from the rotting carcasses of three separate anime series, all of which had nothing to do with each other before they were cut together specifically for American syndication.

Maybe, just maybe this film isn’t the result of somebody at Warner Bros. thinking, “Well the kids all seem to be going wild with anticipation over this new Evangellan thing, and that Transformers turd managed to turn a profit. Maybe we ought’a get some giant robots of our own.” Maybe somebody honestly sees a good movie in there somewhere, and they’re dying to bring it out. Maybe it won’t suck donkey balls. But I won’t be seeing it on opening night.

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